2017 Diddler Cup Racing Series
The 2017 Diddler Cup Racing Series will be the first ever season of stock car racing to come to IRM. A total of 32 drivers will compete, and the season will consist of 20 points-earning races (and 1 non-points mess of a race), beginning on June 11, 2017 and concluding on (DATE TBD). The series is sponsored by Diddler's Family Restaurant and its owner and founder, L. Smith Diddler. The series and all races are simulated using NASCAR Racing 2003 for the PC. Races will be broadcast live with some pre-produced aspects. Special thanks to RJ (Blinky) and Seth (NTQ) for help in setup. Commentary Team *Chip Chapman (Bryan) - Veteran play by play racing announcer *"Lightning" Lloyd Shivers (RJ) - Former South Tucson short track champion Special Guests *Beaumont Jenkins (Caveman) - President of the Wooba Bally Fan Club *Jacob P. Cockburn (Blake) - Wealthy hot sauce magnate *"Roll Tide" (Roll) - Maintenance Worker at the Richard Petty Driving Experience Teams and Drivers Schedule Race Delay Rule In the event of a race delay (because let's face it, we're really testing our limits with this game and the game MAY crash), a contingency plan was devised on the fly during Race #4, the We Put A Bat In Everyone's Car 500, and was the first race where this was applied. In the event of a race delay, the field is frozen and recorded at the time of the delay. The leader is declared the winner of the first segment of the race, and the remaining laps (or potentially fewer laps) would be run as if it was a separate race. If another delay happens, this will continue. The segment winners will then race against one another in a shootout to determine the winner of the race. The remaining cars will fill out the top spots in the order they finish. The remaining cars will have their finishing position determined by a weighted average of the positions at the end of each segment. Season Summary 'Race Reports' Race 1: SO MUCH CHICKEN 400 Jeff Gordon The Horse started on pole in the #8 GUNK Chevy Prizm. After bringing the cars to the green flag, he was overtaken by Jeff Chinese in the #38 Jeff's Chinese car. Chinese opened up as much as a 4-second lead on second place at one point, with El Matador Toto Rosanna driving the #75 Air Supply Dodge opening up a similar gap between 2nd and 3rd. With lapped traffic to contend with, the lead shrunk to under 1 second at one point. However, the race's first caution came at lap 76 of 100, when Mr. Naga's Most Glorious Driver tried to turn onto pit road and made contact with Kevin Boughner-Pillman. This accident took out many cars, including the race leader and second place, Chinese and Rosanna. After a round of pit stops, Joey Rochester lead the race in the #49 Roadblock car. Two more caution flags came out shortly after attempted restarts, and finally the green flag waved with 7 laps to go. However, Rochester could only hold the lead until lap 99 of 100, when Morris Mayfield made a daring pass inside on the turn to take the #00 Nihilst Arby's Ford Pinto into the lead for the white flag, and held onto that lead to win the race. Race 2: Corso, What The Hell Are You Doing, This Is Super Dangerous Blind Bob McGee started on the pole in the #44 Molested Pig BBQ Chevy Prizm. After racing as wide as 7 cars on this 12-mile course, Jean-Paul Henry took the lead on the first lap in the #40 Ludger Beer Bombs Chevy. The incredibly wide road played a serious part in this race, putting local residents in incredible danger. After lap 2 of 10, the field began to separate, with a pack of 9 cars creating a 1 second gap, led by Kevin Boughner-Pillman and his #15 Dongerex InjectiPen car. As Paul Walker's #2 BOXAWYNE car dropped off the lead pack, Boughner-Pillman held onto the race lead just past the halfway point. However, for reasons unknown, both Boughner-Pillman and Henry, the race's only two leaders so far, were forced to pit, dropping the lead pack to 6 cars. Jeff Chinese led lap 7 of 10, with the lead pack nearly avoiding a DAMN RAILROAD TRAIN. However, potentially that DAMN RAILROAD TRAIN forced Jimmy Poots and the #90 Filthy Boys car to pit. With 3 laps to go, Wooba Bally took the lead in a lead pack of 5 cars, alongside Jeff Chinese, Jasper Cuttysark, Jim Blossoms, and Elmer Twist, who would fall back with 2 to go. On the final stretch, the racing was heated, but the battle for 2nd allowed Wooba Bally's #103 Hugger Oranges Pontiac Bonneville to maintain his lead to the checkered flag. Cuttysark, Chinese, and Blossoms and Big Daddy Thibodeaux's #60 Tucsonade Dodge rounded out the top 5 at the lead of a pack of 7 cars, but Wooba Bally led a front pack of 4 to win the race. Race 3: "Daytona" "500" Jasper Cuttysark started on the pole in the #25 Throat Candy Tobacco Lozenges Chevy Prizm. However, it was outside pole sitter Rusty Arkana leading the first lap of 56 in the #12 LOA Dodge. Cuttysark would lead a lap before dropping to the middle of the pack. Jeff Gordon The Horse took a turn leading a lap in the #8, before conceding the lead to El Matador Toto Rosanna's #75 Air Supply Dodge. Rosanna took the lead in lap 6 when the first and only caution flag of the race came out, and it was pole sitter Jasper Cuttysark, who got loose, put his car into the wall, and took out Joey Rochester, who qualified 3rd and also fell back. Harry Gunt's #87 Butterfield Diet Plan car was also involved. Cuttysark & Rochester, who sat 2nd and 3rd in the points going into this race, would drop considerably, though remain in the race. During the caution, only one car pitted, and it was Paul Walker's #2 BOXAWYNE Chevy. No other cars would pit, and Walker's strategy was questioned at the time. The green flag waved at lap 11 of 56 and we would stay green until the white flag. The lead would shift back and forth, with a total of 13 drivers leading at least one lap for 5 bonus points. This included B.D. Joseph and Blind Bob McGee, right after the restart, along with Paul Walker at lap 26, followed by Rickie Walton and Jean-Paul Henry. Walker would regain the lead and use his pit strategy at lap 33, as a large amount of the lead pack started to pit, giving Walker a massive lead for several laps, with #11 Jim Blossoms along with him until he needed to visit pit road on lap 42. Walker would end up pitting right after, but a stellar pit stop saved him the lead, still 3 seconds ahead of the pack, which quickly vanished. With 11 laps to go, Burt McKitchen took the lead, followed by Paul Alcohol with 7 to go. The top 10 cars were all within a second of the lead, and the pack would not open up even on the final few laps. Alcohol navigated the lapped cars, and with 2 laps to go, Alcohol tried to fight off too many contenders at the white flag, but lost the lead on the last lap to Big Daddy Thibodeaux, who used the #00 Nihilist Arby's car one lap down to push to the lead. Thibodeaux and Mayfield took the #22 HCL Dodge Stratus of Bowie Jessup with them, giving the young Jessup a chance to slingshot past them both and win the race. Race 4: We Put A Bat In Everyone's Car 500 B.D. Joseph started on the pole in the #21 LegalBetForRealMoney.gov Pontiac Bonneville. However, Jasper Cuttysark took the #25 Throat Candy Tobacco Lozenges car to the start/finish line for the first lap. Cuttysark maintained the lead for a while, as the top 9 cars extended a gap from the field due to the heavy damage inflicted by the gigantic hump on the track. By Lap 9, Ennio Sporini took the #28 Wall To Wall Salve car to the lead, and held it for a considerable amount of time while nearly losing control of the car on several nose-dives. Mistakes left and right dwindled the pack, including Morris Mayfield, who drove off the track at Lap 14. Sporini held the lead as many cars pitted in the range of Lap 22-24, when a sudden HAILSTORM brought the race to a halt at Lap 25. This was a HAILSTORM, and most certainly not an instance of the game freezing. Due to the suddenly-created race delay rules, the 40-lap race was shortened, with a 25-lap first segment followed by a 10-lap second segment, with a 10-lap shootout between the segment winners. Ennio Sporini, therefore, was declared the winner of the first segment. The second segment began with Jim Blossoms leading the first 5 laps of the second segment, before his #11 KFC I Ate The Bones car tumbled to certain doom off the hump, giving Richard Blood the lead at Lap 7. The #41 Plasma Train car stayed in the lead to the checkered flag, and Ricahrd Blood won the second segment. The track took even more victims as Burt McKitchen, Otto Bahn, and Jean-Paul Henry all ended up off the track, with Bahn and Henry especially sent for a tumbling ride. Ennio Sporini and Richard Blood competed in the shootout for the race win, and they traded the lead early on, running within 2 tenths of a second from each other. However, the race effectively ended when Richard Blood wrecked on the hump at lap 4. With an extended session in the pit, he returned to the track, but Sporini kept the #28 car together and maintained his composure to win the race. Race 5: Africa by Toto 99 (There's Nothing That 100 Laps Or More Could Ever Do) Reverend Pastorchavez started on the pole in the #33 Christpunch Dodge Stratus. On the very first lap, contact between Joe-Jon Winchester's #47 Just Guns Ford Pinto and Otto Bahn's #69 Chevy Prizm caused the biggest wreck of the race, sending Winchester and last race's winner, Ennio Sporini, and his #28 Wall to Wall Salve Dodge to flip in violent wrecks. Also involved in this wreck and out for the race were B.D. Joseph's #21 LegalBetForRealMoney.gov Pontiac and Rusty Arkana's #12 LOA Dodge. Pastorchavez held the lead for the first 20 laps until lap traffic caused issues and shrunk the lead. The leaders had to pit, and Jimmy Poots in the #90 Filthy Boys Dodge led the race at lap 21, only to pit for Jeff Chinese's #38 Jeff's Chinese Chevy to lead. A second wreck took out Rickie Walton, Big Daddy Thibodeaux, Bowie Jessup, and Blind Bob McGee, with still zero yellow flags because Europe don't give a fuck. After catching up to the lead, Jim Blossoms brought his #11 KFC I Ate The Bones Ford to the lead in lap 40, just days after his disgustingly violent crash. From that point, it was all heart for Blossoms, who led the race to the very end, holding off 2nd place (Wooba Bally) by over 8 seconds to win the race. Race 6: Cinnafist 300 Paul Alcohol started on the pole in the #35 Bathhouse Jim's Bathtub Gin Ford Pinto. Alcohol pulled out to a commanding lead, extending his lead over second place to nearly 4 seconds. However, dealing with Richard Blood's #41 Plasma Train Ford, among other lapped cars, allowed the pack to close the distance, and at lap 68 of 175, Ennio Sporini led the race, only to drop back again, ceding the lead once again to Alcohol. Practically the entire field went to pit road during the race's only caution at lap 90, and Paul Alcohol maintained the lead off pit road as everyone refueled and took fresh tires. The race off pit road set the tone for the remaining 80 or so laps, with significant winners and losers. The biggest winner off pit road was Joe-Jon Winchester and the #47 Just Guns Ford, who held a top 10 position for much of the race, taking second after the restart, and taking the lead at lap 98. Winchester held the lead, and extended it, putting car after car a lap down with no challenger in sight. Winchester would finish strong, leaving only 5 other cars on the lead lap when he finished to win the race. Race 7: High Speed Police Chase Grand Prix Mr. Naga's Most Glorious Driver started on the pole in the #10 KUMITE/Most Glorious Mr. Naga Toyota Yaris. However, the lead at the conclusion of the first lap on the 3.5-mile winding road course went to last week's winner, Joe-Jon Winchester, in the #47 Just Guns Ford Pinto. Winchester would hold the lead for the entirety of the 25-lap race, extending his lead with every lap. The battle for 2nd place was must-watch for the first half of the race, with Big Daddy Thibodeaux's #60 Tucsonade Dodge making the pass and holding the position over the #10, with Otto Bahn's #69 Nice Chevy Prizm in 4th. The entire field had to pit at around lap 13 of 25, and issues in the pits sent both Thibodeaux and Bahn falling backwards in position, dropping to the middle of the pack and dropping, giving Most Glorious Driver 2nd place once more. Excellent racing was done by Burt McKitchen, who led the #20 Slip's Red Hot Pizza Pontiac to a 3rd place finish, easily his best of the season. Blind Bob McGee passed Bowie Jessup for 4th place with 5 laps to go, and Jessup was able to hold onto 5th in his #22 HCL Dodge, with challenges from #87 Harry Gunt, who remained in 6th. However, no one was coming close to challenging Winchester, who never relinquished the lead and won the race. Race 8: Why. Why are we doing this? 400 Morris Mayfield started on the pole in the #00 Nihilist Arby's Ford Pinto. Then there were 165 crashes in 60 laps of racing. Fourteen different drivers led at one point. Paul Alcohol in the #35 Bathhouse Jim's Bathtub Gin Ford into led the last six laps and won the race. Race 9: KISS presents I Wanna Rock & Roll 400 All Night And Pit Party Every Day presented by KISS Richard Blood started on the pole in the #41 Plasma Train Ford Pinto, with last week's winner/survivor, Paul Alcohol, on the outside pole in the #35 Bathhouse Jim's Bathtub Gin Ford. Almost immediately, the aggressive driving carried over from the prior race, and racing was three wide early, when Joe-Jon Winchester brought the #47 Just Guns Ford to the front of the field at lap 3 of 120. He would hold this lead for a while, including through the race's only caution, at lap 5, due to a wreck involving several cars at the rear of the field. Blind Bob McGee took his car to the pits for an unknown issue, but Jimmy Poots started the chain reaction by spinning out Cotton Stuffbody's #17 Taxidermy WOW! Ford. This got the #90 Filthy Boys Dodge loose and sent him up the track into Jeff Gordon The Horse, who had nowhere to go in the #8 GUNK Chevy Prizm, making contact with Paul Walker's #2 BOXAWYNE Chevy, before shooting down the track and making hard contact with the pit wall. We saw green flag racing again at lap 10 to the end of the 120-lap race, as Winchester was joined by El Matador Toto Rosanna's #75 Air Supply Dodge Stratus, who took the lead at lap 21 and did not let it go. Races for top 10 spots were prevalent throughout the race, while the race winner was a foregone conclusion for most of the duration. By the final 10 laps, positions were exchanged rapidly through the top 10, with Stumpy Lane's #9 GumBooze Chevy and Ennio Sporini's #28 Wall To Wall Salve Dodge shooting up to take 2nd and 3rd. Stumpy Lane was joined by Kevin Boughner-Pillman, in the Dongerex InjectiPen #15 Chevy, and Fat Darryl's #66 RU Hungry Pontiac, who had their best finishes of the season. However, it was never in doubt that El Matador Toto Rosanna would lead 100 laps out of 120 and win the race. Race 10: Guy's American Bar & Grand Prix Race report coming soon... Race 11: Parts Unknown 300 Race report coming soon... Race 12: St. Elsewhere 250 Race report coming soon... The Gumbooze Pointless Wreck-stravaganza Race report coming soon... Race 13: Nihilist Arby's Endless Monotonous Loop Race report coming soon... Results and Standings 'Races' *1 - Race was won via 2-car shootout against #41 Richard Blood. 'Points Championship' A * indicates the driver led at least one lap during the race, for an additional 5 bonus points. ----